Defibrillator Chicken
I Want To Believe
Monday 7 August 2006
Meddlesome anorak that I am, I just looked back in on the Wikipedia entry for Jeremy Bentham to see how my little edit was going. It’s been re-edited, already. According to whoever violated my impeccable scholarship, the notorious Auto-Icon really, truly, ruly is wheeled in to Council meetings. Not being a member of the College, I’ll have to take their word for it.
Just what the world needs
Tuesday 25 July 2006
Mars hasn’t replied to my webmail suggesting a follow-up edition called Blame Bars
Tuesday 11 July 2006
These have arrived in my corner shop just in time for the end of the World Cup, which I suppose this was supposed to commemorate. More specifically, to commemorate the England World Cup effort – although I expect these were sold in Wales, Scotland etc as well. By ‘effort’, I mean England’s quadrennial ritual of hubris, complacency, whitewash, arrogance, denial, despondency, fingerpointing, scapegoating, infighting, xenophobia and general self-loathing. I’d say it’s a cack to watch but H.M. Government has my passport right now so I’ll keep quiet until they can’t kick me out of the country.
Unfortunately, I don’t think these will get discounted now it’s all over.
Baby Boromir is posing with the credulous snack atop an old paperback edition of Boswell by Stanley Elkin, which I haven’t quite finished yet but it would have to suddenly turn inconceivably crap for me to dislike it.
Because renaming the server after a Terry Pratchett* character is so five minutes ago
Monday 10 July 2006
I spent the end of last week stuck in Plymouth, testing a new web-based service for my place of employment. This post goes out to the in-house software development guy who left http://goatse.cx in the browser history of my test computer. Sir, you are a credit to the stereotype of IT staff.
* Ten years ago it would have been either Tolkien or Douglas Adams, but for obvious reasons both authors are no longer OK.
Name your quirky new band of critical darlings and their overrated debut album
Wednesday 5 July 2006
Experience the Ferocity of a Pyroclastic Flow!, by Translators from the Ukraine.
The ever-expanding six-monthly list, May 2006.
Saturday 27 May 2006
Yet another six months have passed, so it’s time to update the list of People Or Things I Have Been Mistaken For, Or Allegedly Physically Resemble, In Increasing Order Of Ridiculousness. Two more entries.
- Don Watson
- Dylan Moran
- One of the greatest cynics of the 21st century
- Jim O’Rourke
- A jaded sex worker
- Neil Pye (Guess which one. Hint: not this one.)
- A Girl
- Lou Barlow
- Tracy [sic] Emmin [sic]
- Harry Potter (Not this one, pity.)
- Russell Crowe
- Ben Lee
- Brian Kennedy
- The MMM-FM Fugitive
- Shit
- Terence Trent D’Arby
Short, Stupid Thursday
Thursday 4 May 2006
I’m still working through a backlog of stuff, but after the longish writeups of Samuel Beckett and Tate Modern (and too much time spent dicking around with pictures of John Hurt) it’s time for a few, short, stupid posts to break up the routine. See them below: one, two, three.
A Close Call (contains exaggeration, spurious praise of deity, sentence fragment)
Thursday 4 May 2006
I woke in a cold sweat last night and had to get online to check my blog again, convinced that somewhere in my discussion of Monet and Rothko I had used the word ‘diaphanous’. False alarm, thank god.
You sick bastard
Thursday 4 May 2006
Someone visited this site searching for “Denise Drysdale tits“. I’m speechless.
Name your Japanese hip hop posse
Thursday 4 May 2006
Urgent Ditsy Casual Pack
Liveblogging the BBC radio coverage of the Melbourne Commonwealth Games opening ceremony
Wednesday 15 March 2006
- Melbourne is so up for this.
- It’s very famous, I haven’t seen it.
- This is the precursor to what is going to happen next.
- It’s a tremdous opportunity to soak up the experience.
- They are what they are.
- Melburnians will come to watch any event.
Then, the broadcast suddenly stopped after half an hour and they switched to a phone-in about hosepipe bans.
Fun fact: the Australian national anthem was written by a Scotsman, who was paid 100 pounds by the government. I didn’t know that.
UPDATE: Intersecting Lines gives a first-hand account of the festivities – more details, more accurate.
Name your ironic, Pavement-type indie band
Saturday 11 March 2006
- The Licensed Heroes
- Sex Yacht Wiki
Great News in The War on Terror
Tuesday 28 February 2006
Back in July when bombers struck London, the custodians of the building I work in swung into immediate action, and by October had stuck signs in the lifts warning us to be careful.
Today, I came in bright and early as is my usual habit, to find that the Islamic-Chicos-cum-Ghostbusters-logo has now been removed, which I guess means that cheap laminated signs have seen off the Islamofascist threat for now.
Well done, everyone! Together, our vigilance and steadfastness has made our world only slightly less dangerous than it was before.
But when barrel-scraping stage musicals became known to more and more people, the demands to do something about Ben Elton became louder and louder…
Sunday 19 February 2006
So it’s come to this. Lord knows there’s enough crappy musicals plaguing the surfeit of fleapit theatres that infest London’s west end. Not content with Abba tribute shows, Queen tribute shows, Billy Joel tribute shows, and Joe Dolce tribute shows, the West End is racing to the bottom in a desperate bid to take more money from dazed tourists still punchdrunk from the currency exchange rate. I spotted this down the pub:
At first I thought, “Wow, two hours of Eagle Rock played over and over”, but then I noticed the tiny print below the big title and my heart sank. Apparently it tells the story of a young man who hangs out with Rasputin, Ma Ba(r)ker, Ross Wilson and baby Jesus. Please note that it says “love and music”, not “love of music.”
Previews start on 26 April, so hurry! Australians will eat this shit up too. Americans are less likely to get it (in more than one sense).
Worse still, it’s not just Boney M but other bands created by musical genius Frank Farian – this includes Milli Vanilli. Yes, the little blue flyer promises that punters will get to “Girl You Know It’s True”, but doesn’t mention that for the first time ever, you will actually see someone really sing it. Although this is true of all the blokey bits in Boney M’s oeuvre as well.
It’s worth reading the interview with Farian about the show, if only for the choice quote, “I can’t make a comedy, it doesn’t go with our songs.” More importantly, it reveals the Boney M no-one remembers, such as their mid-80s attempt at prog-rock, and the long lost TV special…
which Farian says was called Boney M Lost the M. “What was the plot of that?” He shakes his head. “The story was Boney M lost the M. It was a very low-budget film.”
Think about it: it failed to meet Frank Farian’s standards. I need to see this.
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