The literary world (pretty much like the real world only with worse dress sense) is rocked by the shocking findings of a survey of everybody in the whole wide world, even that really old bloke down the road who never leaves his house and you thought was dead: people feel good about books that make them feel good.
Book readers love a happy ending, according to a survey carried out to mark World Book Day.
“That does it!” vowed one author who asked to remain anonymous. “From now on I’m only going to write books people like.”
The other survey findings include: everyone’s favourite book was that one they saw on TV last month. Other favourites include books that shed unsightly flab from you thighs and abdomen while you read, and books that shower you with a delicious assortment of chocolates whenever you open them (soft centres only).
Men liked books about guns, while women preferred novels with bright pastel covers.
More importantly, the survey confirmed that you should never, ever trust a librarian’s taste in books. It looks like they’ve given up on last year’s attempt to pretend they’re sexy and relevant and have gone back to telling everyone to read To Kill a Mockingbird. Well, at least someone in authority finally had the guts to step up, put their reputation on the line and dare to make approving comments about this book. You VILL enjoy this book! It is Helen Darville’s favourite!
The second most librarian-suggested book is the Bible. I wonder how many of these librarians said that the Bible is the only book they recommend, ever; whether it’s for a punter looking for the rack of Star Trek novels or a kid researching a school project about ants. Where was this survey conducted? Please say Iran.
In unrelated news, TMFTML offers free advice to James Frey on how to revive his career:
May we suggest the concept for your next book? In A Million Supposedly Fun Things I Never Did Before, you go back and actually do all the stuff you said you did in Pieces (i.e., get root canal without novocaine, board a plane covered in puke, drive some girl to suicide, etc.) and then write about it. Trust us, A.J. Jacobs and other purveyors of gimmick lit will have nothing on you. Oprah will once again be eating out of your hand. Assuming you don’t get it cut off in a bar fight.
Also, J.K. Rowling, Dan Brown, and J.R.R. Tolkein. I’m not sure if they have anything to do with the above but apparently you can’t write a book article these days without mentioning them. Hopefully by xmas everyone – well, people with healthy social lives, anyway – will have forgotten about Tolkein again, which will make all our lives just that little bit easier.
I share your hope about forgetting about Tolkein by Christmas but think it's probably unfounded, some evil movie about warlocks will be doing the rounds just to keep those memories green.
Target are running an ad on TV this week that shows women wearing Target clothes abseiling up Sauron-style towers, swordfighting with giant ravens etc.
Oh my god. I almost want to see those Target ads. The fact that Target is doing Tolkein stuff a mere 5 years after that first hobbit movie is surely a sign that LOTR has truly Jumped the Shark.
Also, I had just begun to think that if anything good came out of the King Kong remake, it had damped down enthusiasm for Tolkein.
Ahh, but it may have been the death-knell to the big budget pic. According to George Lucas, who was blatting evily on about it while getting shattered at Harvey Weinstiein's very reduced soiree on Oscars Night; Lucas expects the average film budget to shift to around $18Ml in La-La-Land in the near future.
Good thing they ran out of Tolkien books to cover. Peter Jackson may have to go back to B Horror movies.
Which might actually be a good thing.
Would that it were true, Bwana. They've still got 6 Narnia books to go (seriously, they're going to make a movie of Tha Last Battle?), god knows how much Harry Potter, everything written by Dan Brown, and then the real trouble begins: Stuff Only Nerds Care About That The Rest Of The World Has Never Heard Of. What is this "His Dark Materials" stuff people are talking about, anyway? It's gonna take a few more Dunes to kill this trend.
Also, in my head George Lucas means just one thing: Howard The Duck. He's still dreaming of the day when he doesn't have to pay for those pesky actors cluttering up his beautiful sets. Better yet, when computers can also replace the pesky audience.