We Are All Winners

Thursday 14 April 2005

This is a great day. Boring Like a Drill is now the Number One Google result for the terms “Austrian Flame” and “Julie Dawn Kemp.” To celebrate this momentous occasion, I have awarded myself several prestigious internet awards for web excellence.
Thanks to NetGuide, Excite and Magellan for the 4-star ratings, and especially to Point for listing me amongst the top 5% of all web sites – what an honour! Without your poorly-conceived business models sending you tits-up during the dot-com boom I would have had to make up my own meaningless awards graphics.
But most of all, I’d like to thank you. Not ‘you’ the readers; firstly because, in all frankness, without you I still would have conquered this search engine summit; and secondly because I seriously doubt I have any readers, and suspect that comments left here were actually written by me when drunk. Rather, I mean the people who set up and run the Google bots and Blogger, because otherwise I’d have to communicate this important information in the old-fashioned way: by pissing it in large, crudely-formed block letters against a wall or other similarly flat surface.
Which reminds me: BLAD is also the Number One Google result for “Peter Phelps is Fat.”
  1. I listened to that Austrian Flame, and frankly, I thought it was rather bad.
    do I get an award now?

  2. You listened to it? You shd get a medal! If you have some connection with the military I'm sure the PM can wangle something for you, providing you're willing to do the photo-op with him.

  3. I will do the photo-op, on two conditions:
    1) I must be allowed to wear a rolled up towel on my head held in place with a dressing gown cord

    2) He lets me do the special Latham 'dominant' handshake on him.

  4. I am taking up a collection at my local pub now to make this happen.

  5. P.S. Isn't it sad we're up writing this stuff at 12 on a Friday night?

  6. that's what i was thinking.

  7. i would rather see the pissed-block -letters. i'm in an andres serrano kinda mood