Your chance to own a piece of broadcasting history

Sunday 1 July 2007

While travelling through Europe, ABC Classic FM presenter Julian Day (pictured left) stayed over at my place last week, during the London phase of his visit. I didn’t see him at all for the last three days he was sleeping on the sofa in the front room, and on Saturday morning he waited till I was in the loo before slinking out the front door without saying goodbye to catch his flight back to Australia. Was it something I said?
In any case, he left in such a hurry that he left behind a bag containing personal items more or less essential for his morning ablutions. I thought of keeping them as a souvenir, but now I have decided to offer them up for auction to the highest bidder. No doubt there are many fans of New Music Up Late who will rush to own a little piece of the man himself.
To this end, I decided to set up an Ebay account, but after a few minutes of reading through their FAQs it all started to look a bit complicated and potentially costly, so if you want anything on display below just email me privately at boringlikeadrill at yahoo dot com dot au and name your price. Reserves are listed in Australian dollars for the target demographic: a handy currency converter can be found here.
Lot 1: A mostly-full jar of Schwazkopf Taft Full-On Extreme Hold Power Wax. Now you too can have the look of the coolest radio announcer on ABC Classic FM, or at least like the metrosexual Morrisseyalike pictured on the label. There’s probably about 70g of the stuff left. I have personally tested this product and can guarantee that it sticks to your hair for a period of time. Reserve: A$5.00.
Lot 2: A rather stiff Body Shop shaving brush and Gillette Excel Sensor disposable razor. Both appear to have been fairly well used, which is odd, because he was unshaven when turned up at my house and didn’t shave the whole time he was here, as far as I could tell; but then, what would I know, having not seen him for the last three days he was lurking around upstairs? Reserve: A$6.50.
Lot 3: A used Colgate Reach toothbrush. Depending on your point of view, this item is either the most or least prized of the entire auction. Doubtlessly teeming with ABC DNA, the thumbgrip on the handle stills clearly bears used toothpaste residue. No toothpaste is included with the sale, so he was either borrowing my toothpaste or “went native” while in England and didn’t brush at all. The angled head and compact bristles make cleaning the harder-to-reach parts of your mouth a breeze. Reserve: A$2.00.
Lot 4: A slightly-used tube of Nivea FRESH Fresh Scent Mild Care Deodorant FOR MEN. Funny, I’d always thought Nivea was a girl’s brand, but I must have been wrong. That, or they’ve expanded their range of fine toiletries lately. This experience has been educational as well as financially lucrative. I’m almost tempted to hold on to this item myself, as there’s a part of me that can’t stand going shopping for deodorants, even thought it has become a fairly crucial aspect to keeping a girlfriend for any substantial period of time. Hopefully, Julian has since bought a replacement so as not to offend too many fellow travellers by the time he reaches Kuala Lumpur International Airport. If you see him, it may be wise to keep your distance at first, just in case. Alcohol-free, so don’t buy this if you were planning on drinking it. Reserve: A$3.00.
Lot 5: A small mirror broken off a small hinged compact, with a suspicious tranlsucent white stain on the glass. Also thrown in, a nub of mystery soap in a torn paper sleeve, possibly used for shaving (see above). The mirror frame is unmarked black plastic, so I can’t say for certain whose or what kind of compact this got broken off of. There are several perfectly good mirrors in my house, so this tiny glass is no excuse for Julian not shaving while he stayed over. Pleaese note that when I call that green blob “shaving soap” I’m only guessing. Reserve: A$1.50.
Lot 6: A small bag of complementary accessories from Qantas, including sleep socks (slightly worn), sleeping mask, a branded strap for attaching god knows what to it, and what appears to be a small grey vibrator sealed in a cellophane package (tests pending). It could be a rather industrial-strength looking tampon applicator, but I doubt it. I’m not going to break the seal and find out. Everything is tastefully shaded battleship grey and marked with the Qantas logo. These exclusive products are usually only available to the lucky few who take intercontinental flights in economy class on Australia’s premier airline. Reserve: $5.00.
SPECIAL OFFER: Buy all six lots and receive this special presentation bag (left) in which all the above items were carefully hand-packed by Mr Day. This is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity, because I doubt I’ll have him crashing round my place again.

Auction closes Midnight, Sunday 8 July 2007 GMT.