{"id":4942,"date":"2011-05-08T22:31:05","date_gmt":"2011-05-08T21:31:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/?p=4942"},"modified":"2011-05-08T22:31:05","modified_gmt":"2011-05-08T21:31:05","slug":"the-eurovision-song-contest-drinking-game-2011-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/2011\/05\/the-eurovision-song-contest-drinking-game-2011-edition.html","title":{"rendered":"The Eurovision Song Contest Drinking Game, 2011 Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

Less than a week to go until this year’s Eurovision<\/a>, and I haven’t even mentioned it yet! Stupid me, didn’t even realise that this year’s event is taking place in D\u00fcsseldorf, just up the road from where I went to see SONNTAG aus LICHT<\/em><\/a>. It will be interesting to see which proves to be the more surreal experience.<\/p>\n

The potential for Eurovision insanity this year is greatly boosted by the big news that both Italy and Austria<\/a> are back in the game – after a 14-year absence, in Italy’s case. This means that Drinking Game rule W1.b<\/strong> will not apply this year. <\/p>\n

Despite the changing the voting to a 50\/50 split between viewers’ votes and national panels of judges, last year’s voting shows no reason to make any change to rules II.3<\/strong>, II.10<\/strong>, and especially not II.2<\/strong>. Therefore the 2011 rules for the refined but deadly art of drinkmanship that is the Eurovision Song Contest Drinking Game are as follows.<\/p>\n

Yes these have all happened, in case you’re wondering.<\/p>\n

PHASE I: THE SONGS
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

A. Every instance within a song:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I.A.1 The Dramatic Key Change.<\/em><\/strong> Whenever the singers dramatically shift up a key for the final chorus(es).<\/p>\n

I.A.2 The Bucks Fizz.<\/em><\/strong> Whenever performer(s) sheds a piece of clothing – once only on every instance, whether executed by an individual or as a group. Finish your drink<\/strong> if the clothing loss is obviously unintentional.<\/p>\n

B. Once per song only:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I.B.1 Is That English?<\/em><\/strong> Whenever someone notices that the singers have switched from their native language into English in an attempt to win more votes. Two drinks<\/strong> if they try to dodge the language issue by intentionally <\/em>singing gibberish.<\/p>\n

I.B.2 The Fine Cotton<\/em>.<\/strong> Any appearance of mercenary talent flown in to represent a foreign country. Two drinks<\/strong> if they’re Irish.<\/p>\n

I.B.3 Las Ketchup and the Waves.<\/em><\/strong> A country drags a legitimate, real-life, one-hit wonder out of obscurity in the hope that name recognition can buy them some points. This is additional <\/em>to I.B.2<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

I.B.4 The Cultural Rainbow<\/em>.<\/strong> Every time an entrant blatantly rips off last year’s winning performance. Finish your drink<\/strong> if last year’s winning country rips itself off.<\/p>\n

I.B.5 The Wand’ring Minstrel.<\/em><\/strong> Unless it’s a solo guitar or piano, Eurovision insists on backing tapes. It’s in the rules, so don’t accuse some entrants of cheating; but take a drink if performers pretend to play a musical instrument (or simulacrum thereof) in a blatantly fake way, as part of the choreography. A second drink is permitted<\/strong> if a subsequent, different wave of faux-minstrely rises after the first has subsided.<\/p>\n

I.B.6 The Greeks (formerly The TaTu).<\/em><\/strong> Finish your drink if the audience boos (on the telly, not in your living room.)<\/p>\n

I.B.7 Don’t Mention The War.<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>The German entrant sings something about everyone being happy. This is a legacy rule, as in recent years it has largely been supplanted by…<\/p>\n

I.B.7a Don’t Mention The Wall.<\/em><\/strong> The Israeli entrant sings something about everyone being happy.<\/p>\n

I.B.8 My Lovely Horse.<\/em><\/strong> Any obvious indication that a country is deliberately trying to lose, to avoid budgetary\/logistical\/political problems of hosting the event next year.<\/p>\n

PHASE I ADVANCED PLAYERS ONLY:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I.B.5a The Wand’ring Minstrel (supplemental)<\/em>.<\/strong> Two drinks if the instrument is an accordion.<\/p>\n

I.B.9 The San Remo.<\/em><\/strong> Any occurence of visible armpits and\/or pointing at nothing in particular. Two drinks<\/strong> for a hairy armpit.<\/p>\n

I.B.10 The White Suit.<\/em><\/strong> You’ll know it when you see it; and you’ll know it again when you see it again, and again…<\/p>\n

PHASE II: THE VOTES
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

II.1 The Wardrobe Change<\/em>.<\/strong> Each time the female host changes frocks. Two drinks<\/strong> if the male host changes suits.<\/p>\n

II.2 The Gimme<\/em>.<\/strong> When Greece gives twelve points to Cyprus.<\/p>\n

II.2a The Gastarbeiter<\/em>.<\/strong> If Germany still gives twelve points to Turkey.<\/p>\n

II.3 The Old Europe<\/em>.<\/strong> When the UK gets nul points<\/em> from France.<\/p>\n

II.4 The Sympathy Vote<\/em>.<\/strong> When anything sung in French first gets a point, and\/or the last country without any points finally gets off the mark. A special toast<\/strong> at the end to any country which did not receive so much as a single vote.<\/p>\n

II.5 The “Viktor, You Very Unattractive Fellow.”<\/em><\/strong> Two drinks if the hosts speak in rhyme and\/or pretend to flirt with each other. Finish your drink<\/strong> if the flirting is serious.<\/p>\n

PHASE II INTERMEDIATE:<\/strong> You and your friends probably will be too unruly by this stage to register every occurrence of these, so just try to catch what you can.<\/p>\n

II.6 The Hurry-Up<\/em>.<\/strong> Every time the announcer from each voting country is politely asked by the hosts to shut the fuck up (i.e. “Can we have your votes please?”). Two drinks <\/strong>if the announcer tries to deliver a personal message to a friend or relative watching at home.<\/p>\n

II.7 The Sandra Sully<\/em>.<\/strong> Each time an announcer reads the voting results wrong. Two drinks<\/strong> if they get so confused they have to start over.<\/p>\n

II.8 The Sally Field<\/em>.<\/strong> Each time they show contestants backstage during the voting looking genuinely surprised and pleased with themselves when they get the same politically-motivated votes they get every year.<\/p>\n

II.9 The Master of Suspense<\/em>.<\/strong> It looks like everyone’s figured it out now, so this hasn’t happened for a few years, but just in case: each time an announcer fails to understand that the pause for suspense only works if they announce the twelve points first, then the country that has won them – not the other way around<\/em>.<\/p>\n

PHASE II ADVANCED PLAYERS ONLY:<\/strong><\/p>\n

II.10 The New Europe<\/em>.<\/strong> When the Baltic or Balkan states all give each other twelve points, or a former Soviet republic gives Russia twelve points. Do not attempt without medical supervision.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

THE WILDCARDS<\/strong><\/p>\n

W1<\/strong> A person must finish their drink if they ask:
\nW1.a<\/strong> why Israel is in it*;
\nW1.b<\/strong> [deleted]<\/em>; or
\nW1.c<\/strong> where the hell is Moldova?<\/p>\n

W2<\/strong> A toast to the first person who expresses dismay when they realise how long the voting is going to take.<\/p>\n

W3<\/strong> A toast to Bosnia and Herzegovina if they change the spelling of their country again from last year (last year’s spelling: ‘Bosnia & Herzegovina’).<\/p>\n

W4<\/strong> A toast to the person who gets so drunk you have to secretly call a cab and persuade them they ordered it when it arrives.<\/p>\n

* This is why<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Less than a week to go until this year’s Eurovision, and I haven’t even mentioned it yet! Stupid me, didn’t even realise that this year’s event is taking place in D\u00fcsseldorf, just up the road from where I went to see SONNTAG aus LICHT. It will be interesting to see which proves to be the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,10,13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4942"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4942"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4942\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4950,"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4942\/revisions\/4950"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4942"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4942"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cookylamoo.com\/boringlikeadrill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4942"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}